I thought it would be a blast! I fully expected that much of the script would be a delightful story linking several charming old historic locations together in a yarn about vampires. So I drug my 17-year-old son along on a 215-mile trip from Visalia to do some things we've never done before: Hear a great story about vampires in San Francisco, and tour Alcatraz.
I hoped it would be a bit campy and was reassured when on the Friday before Hallowe'en about 60 customers were there with me - some in costumes, including one woman in a cloak and fangs.
Sadly, it all went downhill from there. (Well, it had to since we were at the summit of Nob Hill across from Grace Cathedral). Please note, it is a long climb to the top of Nob Hill from anywhere in the city.
It really felt like a lecture in college - you know the ones in the gigantic lecture hall where the professor's assistant stands there and drones on and on with names and dates and facts....
We spent a full 30 minutes across the street from Grace Cathedral where the actress who plays the vampiress kept talking and talking about historical figures and dates and locations and facts - will this be on the quiz, I wondered?
Perhaps, I allowed, we spend so much time at this first location so late-comers can get here and catch up. Harrison (my son) stuck it out longer than some adults in the audience, but finally rolled his eyes and joined several others around the corner on the concrete berm surrounding Huntington Park. I soon joined him. "Dad, do we have HBO at the hotel?"
The tour finally moved on to a little restaurant down Taylor street, near Clay where unfortunate diners outside on the sidewalk seemed mortified to see our gaggle stopping near them and then to hear the lecture begin anew. Dates, names, places... I have to admit that this part of the tour became interesting because just down the street there seemed to be a very popular hallowe'en costume party and all the ladies were arriving in very very interesting costumes... But I digress.
After 30 minutes at this second location (one hour into the tour) we had pretty much given up on the tour for our own enjoyment and started discussing how we could turn this unfortunate experience into a money-making venture of our own. At 20 bucks a pop, this lady made about $1200 in a single night and has virtually no overhead. I'm sure this isn't a typical night, being hallowe'en and a beautiful fall evening, but still we wondered how we could use this concept to develop an interesting guided tour in our own small town (Visalia, CA, pop: 105,000).
Perhaps one day you will read about our Haunted Visalia Tour here. If you do, and you come visit us, I hope your review will say: "That was such a blast. The pace was perfect and never boring. The story was interesting and made perfect sense. Every time I drive downtown I think about it."
PROLOG:
We found a Walgreens, bought some microwave popcorn and soft drinks, and spent the evening in our hotel room watching Independence Day on HBO for the 7th or 8th time.
The next morning we went to pier 33 and took the Alcatraz tour. We both agreed this was a much better way to spend $40 for a day trip, then the vampire tour.